Around this time last year, we published a humorous yet all too real post about what not to do if you wanted to buy a house. If you’re selling, you may have breathed a sigh of relief thinking you were off the hook. No one could possibly make this many silly mistakes when listing a house, right? Wrong.

It may be hard to believe, but home sellers can make even more faux pas than buyers. Some should be easy to spot from 100 miles away. Other mishaps are a little more nuanced. That said, if you see a “For Sale” sign on someone’s lawn, you can bet that the owner is making at least one or two blunders that could cost money or lose the sale altogether.

If you want to sell your house as fast as possible for the highest price the market will bear and as little stress and hassle as possible, your mission is once again simple. Read about all the unfortunate hypothetical sellers in this post, then go and do the opposite.

Do you want to learn all the ways you can blow it when buying a house instead? Discover How NOT To Buy a House right here.

You Don’t Need a Real Estate Agent

The first step in not just failing to sell a house but failing spectacularly, is to decline the services of a knowledgeable real estate team. How hard can it be? Stick a “For Sale” sign in the yard, and like magic, hordes of eager buyers should appear. Any minute now.

All that market research that goes into pricing and marketing your home and knowing what repairs will result in a lucrative return on your investment? Pshaw. Who needs it? You can just guess.

You might spend tens of thousands of dollars on a home upgrade that would have been appealing to buyers – in the 1980s – that no one in their right mind would pay extra for in the current market.

Or you might miss the chance to invest in a $1000 repair that pays for itself multiple times over. When you make your upgrades randomly, you can count on random results, and who wouldn’t want that? After all, predictability is boring, even when it means a faster sale and a higher price.

Not using a real estate agent also means you get to do all of the work of preparing your home, handling showings, and dealing with the legal process all by yourself. It ends up feeling like a full-time job and you’re on call 24/7. At the end of it all, you will save 100% on any real estate commissions. (No sale means you pay nothing – how much more exciting can it get?)

Speaking of excitement, what does the future hold for real estate? The posts below might give us a glimpse:

• Will Artificial Intelligence Ever Replace a Human Realtor®?
• Can You Buy Real Estate Using Cryptocurrency?

Use a Discount Real Estate Agent

If you absolutely must have some kind of professional guidance, be sure it’s from a discount real estate agency. Then, you can still do most of the work yourself while achieving dismal results. Best of all, you’ll have someone to blame if your house sits on the market with no takers.

By working with a discount agency, there’s a good chance you’ll get a different agent every time you call with any questions or for advice. What fun! You can explain your story all over again and again to someone who has never heard of you. Few things are more reassuring than working with an organization where the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing.

Avoid a Full-Service Realtor® at All Costs

If you want the most hassle and headache you can possibly experience when selling a house while failing to maximize its full potential, there is one thing you must do above all else. At all costs, avoid working with an experienced, full-service real estate team.

If any of your well-meaning friends or family members insist you should have a real estate agent, don’t do any research. Just pick someone at random.

Working with a skilled team means you’ll have expert guidance at every turn, plus a professional network to ensure your home is ready to dazzle potential buyers. If that’s not enough, they’ll also implement a comprehensive marketing plan to generate maximum exposure. You barely get to do any of the work yourself, and you’ll often end up with more money in your bank account even after paying out any commissions.

It almost seems unfair, doesn’t it? Having your home sell this easily can make your neighbours a little bitter. You might as well keep the peace since it’s likely that you’ll be staying put for the foreseeable future.

Do you want to do the opposite of this post and actually sell your house with stellar results? The resources below can help:

• What Are the Secrets of Selling for Top Dollar in Pickering?
• Is Staging the Ultimate Home Selling Secret?
• How to Make Your House Appeal to the Next Generation

Seek Out Terrible Advice From Bad Sources

If you decide to go it alone, as you should for a fantastically stressful and unpredictable transaction, there is one place you can count on for all of your real estate advice. Reality shows always tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and they’re a great foundation on which to build your entire selling strategy.

Another great place for spectacularly bad advice is to rely on friends and relatives. Bonus points if they managed to sell a house decades ago when the market was completely different.

Just think about how much work you’re about to do for so little reward! As time goes by and you’re dusting the cobwebs off your “For Sale” sign, at least you’ll end up with a story or two to tell!

Pick a Price – Any Price

A well-researched and carefully thought-out price backed by data and current statistics is the foundation of a successful sale. So don’t do it. Just guess and assume that buyers will show up in droves.

If you overprice your home, there’s always one or two uneducated buyers out there who will pay, right? The last thing you should worry about is whether they can secure financing or if the deal falls through because of an appraisal. Details, details! As long as the offer comes in, you’re golden.

If you underprice your home, you can rest assured that you will sell it for way less than its worth. And that’s not even the worst that can happen. In the worst (best) case scenario, maybe buyers will think your home is haunted or about to be condemned. What an adventure this home-selling journey can be!

Accurate pricing has a tendency to cause your house to sell quickly and earn more due to early excitement about your listing. It’s one of the main reasons you should NEVER work with a real estate team (like Team Rajpal) with a proven track record of success.

Where should you settle after your house sells? A good case can be made for Pickering! Learn more in the posts below:

• Is Pickering a Good Place to Live?
• What Are Pickering’s Best Neighbourhoods?
• Is Pickering Going Green?

Don’t Clean or Stage Your Home

You have undoubtedly heard that you should clean and present your home beautifully before putting it on the market. But why bother? Everyone knows buyers love walking into a disaster zone because it gives them the challenge of imagining what the house will look like without clutter and grime galore.

For added effect, leave all of your personal photos, trophies, souvenirs, memorabilia, and knick-knacks out proudly for all to admire and envy. Above all, remind all potential buyers that this is YOUR home, NOT theirs. Do not let them forget it for a second.

Remember that living in a staged home can be inconvenient. You might as well make the minimum effort – because you’re going to be staying for a long time. Unless your full-service real estate expert somehow manages to convince you to clean it and stage it in a way that appeals to the highest number of potential buyers. We can be stubborn and insistent that way.

Are you planning a home purchase in Pickering? The posts below can help you find the perfect spot:

• What to Consider When Buying a Pickering Home
• Is It Safe to Buy a House Near Pickering’s Nuclear Power Plant?
• Pickering Vs Toronto: Where Should You Buy a Home?

Negotiate Like an Amateur

Negotiation in real estate is overrated. For a sale with lousy results, you should definitely wing it. It’s not like buyers have options. You don’t need to come up with a good offer strategy or know how to counteroffer.

To not sell a house, be sure to be inflexible and make it as inconvenient as humanly possible for a buyer to schedule a showing. You should especially limit showings after hours and on weekends when most people are out looking. By having only a very few potential buyers visit your home, you will receive few or no offers.

If you can’t stop a buyer from coming through, the next best thing is to make them feel awkward and uncomfortable. First, be sure to avoid any last-minute cleaning.

Even more importantly, make sure you’re home during all showings. If you have kids or pets, get them all rowdy and rambunctious just in time for the buyer’s arrival. Nothing showcases the beauty and functionality of a home like a bad case of the zoomies.

Your presence will discourage potential buyers from asking any questions about the house. The visit will be short and unlikely to result in an offer, which eliminates the need for pesky negotiations altogether.

Don’t Worry About Contingencies

What happens if you do everything wrong and you still manage to receive a fair offer for your home? Not to worry; you still have a chance to sabotage your sale by not holding up your end of the agreement. Let’s explore these opportunities to blow it in more detail.

Imagine a buyer placed a conditional offer. It may be for them to sell their existing house, and there’s not much you can do about that. (Unless you had an escape clause in the agreement. However, that’s not likely the case since. Since you’re doing everything wrong, you’re not working with a real estate team that would make such a recommendation.)

Alternatively, they may have placed a condition of financing, which you could have circumvented by asking for a mortgage pre-approval in advance. But again, who goes to such ridiculous lengths to be prepared? Not someone determined NOT to sell their house if they can help it, that’s for sure!

Ignore Your End of the Agreement

One of the most common conditions is for you to make a certain repair before the deal goes through. In that case, no problem. Just don’t do it, or do it to such a low standard that the buyer has just cause to back out. There’s nothing that you can’t put off until it’s too late.

If you know of any non-visible defects in your house, you can also just choose not to inform the buyer. It could be a wiring, plumbing, or structural issue that will be expensive to fix and maybe even unsafe. In this case, the transaction may not necessarily fall through, but the buyer could sue you after the fact.

It all just gets better and better, doesn’t it? There is no shortage of ways to ensure your house doesn’t sell or to make the entire process as complicated and hair-raising as it can be.

On the other hand, if you want a seamless transaction with minimum stress and maximum profit, the above advice is what you should avoid. An experienced real estate team with your best interests in mind can help you plan and prepare for a successful sale, no matter what the market is doing. If you’re counting on excellent results to fund your next steps, Team Rajpal is happy to help.

Do you want to avoid all of the above mistakes and have a successful home selling experience? Our Pickering real estate agents can help you get the best results with the least amount of stress. Reach out today at info@teamrajpal.com or call 647-875-8000 with any questions or to get started.

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